Because knowledge is a gift.
If you were alone in the woods, would you rather encounter a bear or a man?
A Tale as old as time…Beauty and the Beast. But which beast would you choose and why is it the bear?
Let’s start from the beginning.
When I was in my early 20’s, I remember parking my car, far from where I lived. Around midnight, Ball Road was a pretty quiet street until I saw a truck driving by and 2 men started yelling out at me. My stomach tightened while I said to myself “please don’t turn around, please don’t turn around.” Then, to my horror and I really mean horror, the truck started to make an illegal u-turn.
As I watched this, I made a split second decision to run into the nearest apartment complex (I was about 2 or 3 complexes away from home). It almost felt like I was doing some obstacle course, sprinting through the back of the complexes to get home. I did make it home safely but never would I forget the fear that I felt that night. Since then, I’ve been hyper alert of the potential risks that men alone, can pose. The sad part is that we women encounter these type of scenarios in our everyday life. I was a lucky one because not all of us go unscathed.
According to WomensHealth.gov, Violence against women, including sexual or physical violence, is linked to many long-term health problems. These can include:3
- Arthritis
- Asthma
- Chronic pain
- Digestive problems such as stomach ulcers
- Heart problems
- Irritable bowel syndrome
- Nightmares and problems sleeping
- Migraine headaches
- Sexual problems such as pain during sex
- Stress
- Problems with the immune system
Of relative importance, the CDC cites (2018 U.S. report) heart condition to be the leading cause of death for women regardless of race, origin or age. Globally, unwomen.org, reported that “almost 1 in 3 have been subjected to physical and/or sexual intimate partner violence, non-partner sexual violence, or both at least once in their life.” This number doesn’t include sexual harassment which can heavily contribute to mental health illnesses including but not limited to depression, anxiety disorders, post-traumatic stress disorder, etc. There is a dedicated Office on Violence Against Women under the U.S. Justice Department, that supports organizations across the U.S. to develop policies and programs to help end violence against women.
Additionally, the Bureau of Labor Statistics reported that in 2021:
The percentage of females murdered by an intimate partner was 5 times higher than for males.
https://bjs.ojp.gov/female-murder-victims-and-victim-offender-relationship-2021
The stats above are only from formally reported incidents. During COVID-19, the American Academy of Pediatrics reported that intimate partner violence (IPV) increased and this may have impacted the social and mental health of children at home, in addition to the parent. “Witnessing IPV is an adverse childhood experience (ACE) and can have harmful effects on mental, physical, and behavioral health across a child’s lifespan.”
These are stats from men they know. From men that they are in relationships with. Now, the thought of being alone, in the woods with a male stranger is anxiety inducing for any woman. We can pull bear attack data and compare, with appropriate adjustments for population and gender ratios but that’s not really the point here.
How do we change this? It’s not only the role of mothers to raise good men. Not just the father’s either. It’s our societies and our communities. It’s our relationships with others and the commitment to our own self-improvement. It’s also movements, legislation and Justice. If we believe women who have been harmed and support causes that can help the betterment of men to not fall into societal traps of toxic masculinity, we may still have a chance.
I hear the “but not all men” counterpoint and that’s fair. I know more good men than beasts. But only men know what they’d do in a power struggle dynamic. What would they do if no one was watching? If no one would ever find out. That’s what will separate out the good men vs. the beasts but in this scenario, it’s not a risk that I would be willing to take.
I will take my chances with the bear.
Resources
Need Help? Know Someone Who Does?
National Domestic Violence Hotline
Call 1-800-799-7233 and TTY 1-800-787-3224.
Love is Respect National Teen Dating Abuse Helpline
Call 1-866-331-9474 or TTY 1-866-331-8453
Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network’s (RAINN) National Sexual Assault Hotline
Call 800-656-HOPE (4673) to be connected with a trained staff member from a sexual assault service provider in your area.
National Resource Center on Domestic Violence
The Representation Project: The Mask You Live in